Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
