i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize