Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Bring me that man meat
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
