sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
