sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
