why didn't you poke me back
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
