C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
