Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
