Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
