Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
