I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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