Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
