oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
