A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Can I color on your dick again?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
