but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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