i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
