sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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