so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
