Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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