You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
