I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
