I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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