plz talk dirty to me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
