Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
