someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize