why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you would pick up someone in the library
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
