Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
