I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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