I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
