South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
