my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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