I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize