so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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