Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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