She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
