I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
