Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
