when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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