Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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