Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
