If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
