this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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