get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
