I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
