My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
