Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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