i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Randomize
