i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
