Dude my mom stole all your condoms
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
