after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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