The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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