Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
