Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
