Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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