She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
