as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
