So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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