Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize