He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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