i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
