Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize