So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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