in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
