Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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