Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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