Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
