if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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