So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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