He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
