i don't like sucking hair
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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