Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
