I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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