I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
