Kiss
Puke
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
