no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
