She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize