i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
