$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
