sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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