Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
