Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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