No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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