I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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