You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
