if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
