Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
