why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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