she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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