I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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