I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
