just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
