My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
