Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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