I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
