this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
