Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
