The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
