this just has baby written all over it
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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