Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize